Mack's Craic

I hope you had a great Christmas. As usual, Julie and I had Christmas dinner together, just the two of us which is exactly how we like it. It’s so much cheaper too. We only have to buy a box of twelve Christmas crackers every six years.

It’s panto season, so we went to see Cinderella. We got there early, took our seats, then a lady sat next to me and said. “I have to sit here to prove to my kids that you don’t bite.” I said, “Oh I haven’t bitten a child for days!”. She looked at me sideways and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. Neither did Julie.

Our cats Memphis and Toffee Pop really enjoyed Christmas. What’s not to like about empty boxes, wrapping paper and decorations you can wreck? Cats are strange, they’ve got so many super-senses; smell, hearing, eyesight, but no sense of humor, everything is so serious. They’re bad mannered too, they can’t chew their food with their mouths closed.

If you got anything battery powered for Christmas, it probably came with Panasonic batteries. How come they’re always Panasonic? You never see them for sale. I’m not even sure you can buy them but when batteries are included they’re always Panasonic.

On Boxing Day we went to Anfield to watch Liverpool v Blackburn. Considering Blackburn is only about forty miles from Liverpool, they didn’t bring many fans. I think they may have all traveled to the game in the same car. Julie is from New Zealand, they all have the same accent there so she finds it difficult to tune in to the regional accents we have in Britain. At the match she said to me, “Wow when Liverpudlians talk really fast to each other, I can’t understand a word”. I didn’t tell her that the people in front of us that she was talking about were Norwegian. Later when it was becoming obvious that Liverpool were only going to draw at home to bottom of the table Blackburn, it became easier to understand the actual Liverpublians around us as they’d developed an aggressive form of Tourette's syndrome.

Did you see Piers Morgan give evidence at the Leveson Inquiry? It turns out, he’s a lousy chat show guest. They had to keep quoting from “The Insider”, the book he published based on his personel diaries. No wonder he wrote everything down in a diary, he can’t remember anything! I honestly can’t believe Piers Morgan would hack anyone’s phone. Not without leaving a long boring message about himself. They didn’t frame the shot of him very well. That light right above his head made it look like he’d just come up with a bright idea. The fact that he was only being shown from the waist up was interesting. Was that because his pants were on fire? With him in the USA and the QC in London it was a bit spooky. At one point I thought I saw Piers Morgan’s television career leave his body. When Piers finished giving evidence did I hear the news presenter say “More on Piers Morgan later” or MORON Piers Morgan later? There would have been no point asking Piers Morgan what he has on his hot dog. As he said many times, he’s not prepared to reveal his sauces.

Swindon’s famous railway works hooter returned on Friday. Hear what happened when the button was pushed that sent us back in time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCnW_PsgavA

Hope you have a Craicing New Year!

Check out the Mack Nuggets at www.mackmedia.co.uk .

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